The Complaints of a Great Nobody

"Follow the Crowd" Mentality is Bullshit

2010-01-27T19:19:00.000-08:00

A few months back, me and my family were watching the boobtube (its slang for television, not a kaleidescope of porn) and while my long-awaited show was already on air, my family was torturing me with local telenovelas and "reality" shows. Seriously, local shows here are so crappy that you might scratch your eyes out with the crappy, overused plot lines, shitty filming techniques, and the overacting actors, and people pay to watch these shit! Can you believe that?

I was so irritated I stated these points to my family, going on and on about how crappy our local shows are, how overidolized (is that a word? My computer says its not...) our actors are, and my rant even went to politics. I went on on how people just watch what others watch and believes in what others believe. My dad, who was an avid fan of the shows, probably got irritated and told me, "You're being a villain. If you keep going against the flow, you'll drown."

No disrespect to my father nor to anybody who also believes this, but that statement is full of crap.

Right now, there is about 20,000+ nursing graduates here in Manila looking for jobs in the US. The problem is, the US demand for nurses is already on the decline. Also, due to the recession, the US is probably avoiding unnecessary expenditures on overseas workers, so the thousands of nursing students hoping to get a good job abroad are now doomed to wandering around the streets, waving around their hard-earned diplomas. Even I have a cousin who is a very skilled artist who abandoned her dreams to obey her mother's advice on taking Nursing for college to land a good job abroad.

Most young people who are entering college is taking Nursing because it's the "hip" course, with most parents also advising to take the course, hoping that they are giving their children a good future abroad. Too bad they don't realize they are promoting what we call brain-draining, which is exporting all our professionals abroad, which is bad because while foreign countries pay us for exporting them, we are losing precious intellectuals who could actually make our country a better place with a better economy, which roughly translate to more cash for us.

People usually just follow without asking where the crowd is going. They believe that as long as there's a person in front of them, they'll be fine. The problem is, with somebody in front of you, you can't see what's ahead. If you just keep following the crowd, then all I can say is that you are a lazy fucker who can't think for himself. Yeah, there are times when you are lost that you should look for a crowd to follow for a while, but set out to venture on your own when you find your way. Don' waste life following zombies.

Two quotes for you: "Only dead fishes swim with the current," and "The way to Paradise is a narrow, untrodden road."

And for those filipino nursing students who entered your course for the reasons like your parents think it'll land you a good job abroad or that it's a "cool" course of the moment, back out NOW! It's not too late and you'll just be wasting years dissecting animals and wiping old people's asses.

Bliss in the age of sorrows...

2010-01-22T01:20:00.000-08:00

I'm single, feeling sick, aware of the truth that I'm destined to die, have bad grades, considered a loner at school, starting to low on cash, etc-etc... But for some reason, I'm happy. I walk with weird gait, bang my head along to the rock music in my ears, and do facial reactions to everything around me (chicks, hobos, n00bs at arcade games, etc...) and I don't care even if people look at me.

I'm just glad that the sky is blue, I'm still alive, I have friends, and just being happy.

Life is harsh, and death is inescapable, but to waste life drowning yourself on negativity won't help lighten up the world. Want a better world? Start it yourself.

Btw, try walking around with a weird, optimistic look. Flex if you have to (in case you're born with a melancholy plastered in your face). Soon you'll be laughing at yourself, and so will be everybody around you. It may be embarrassing, but at least everybody will lighten up.

Logic, Emotions, and Anberlin

2009-12-12T07:57:00.000-08:00

For about a week now, I've been wanting to play Anberlin songs on the drums, especially their song "Breaking" and "Paperthin Hymn". But no matter how I try, I don't feel like I'm playing right on the drums and the beat sound confusing to me. I watched drum covers from Youtube, and I wonder, "How come they can play it? Perhaps I'm not cut out to be a drummer...". I felt down and my confidence as a drummer went to smokes.

But I can play the songs now.

Why? Well, lemme start one of those "motivational speeches" everybody is doing on the TV and on self-help groups, but unlike theirs, mine is better (heh.)

It all boils down to this: Use your brain, you retard.

Okay, lemme be specific here. Use logic, you dumbass.

You can't play a song on the drums? Two words: Study and Practice. Watch covers from the internet and try to copy the way they play, then adjust according to what you feel is right, then practice it until you get it.

Girlfriend left you? Evaluate whether she is worth it or you're better off without her. If she's worth it, do whatever it takes to take her back. If she's just a slutty fuck-buddy that steals money from you, find yourself a more decent one.

You're fat? Exercise and quit the Twinkies and donuts. (Btw, sex is a good exercise because it builds up almost every part of your body and it burns calories faster than the thread mill. Just got this from readers digest, so don't look at me for more explanations.)

No money? Then get a fucking job, asshole.

Simply put, if you want 5, but you have 2, its obvious you add 3. Do what it takes to do it. The problem with us is we tend to rely too much on emotions like fear, hate, love, etc. I'm not saying having emotions are bad, when as a matter of fact its the thing that protects us from killing each other, but we should not let it blind us into making good decisions and improving ourselves.

Here's a good 4-step thought process.
-First, assess the situation, let say you got pregnant and you expect your parents to be mad and your guy to leave you.
-Next, think of the logical actions needed, like either talk it out with your guy then talk to your parents and look for support, or go the easy way out and do abortion.
-Only at step 3 should emotions, which are also affected by one's morality, be applied, like though your parents will be mad for a while, they'll soon understand, instead of killing the baby and harming your own body (yes, abortion is bad for the health.)
-Fucking DO IT! No matter how good an idea or how great your decisions are, it doesn't fucking work if you don't do it.

By the way, I can now play "Breaking" and I'm nearly perfecting "Paperthin Hymn", because mainly I'm awesome, and partially because I didn't give up. Fuck you, depression!

Death

2009-12-03T07:06:00.000-08:00

Everybody hates the word... well, except for those poser emo basterds. Nobody wants to die. Simple as that. Nobody wants to fade away. Nobody wants to be forgotten. Nobody wants to know what's on the other side.

"Nobody" seems to want a lot, but this Great Nobody is better than just any nobody (or anybody?)

I just finished the epically-winning novel "Have a Little Faith", and the last of the four chapters in the book tackled Death. *Spoiler Alert* At that part of the novel, Mitch's rabbi, Rev. Albert "Reb" Lewis, is dying. He was in a semi-conscious state where he can barely mutter words, a sad thing to happen to the Reb who always love to sing. Truthfully, everybody (including I, the reader) expected that the Reb will die soon. Thankfully, the doctors were able to counter the disability and he soon returned to his energetic state, always with a mouthful of songs and wisdom. *Spoiler End* After a wonderful discussion, Mitch told his rabbi not to scare everyone again. The Reb quipped to "take it up with my Boss".

Why do seek more out of this life, when we have enough time to waste? Some people hated life, claiming it's too short, while some hate it for not ending sooner. But who are we to ask more? We were given something, and we have no right to ask more. Beggars can't be choosers, right? We also don't have the right to complain about our lives. I know some of you are saying that we didn't chose to live, but still, you did. It's not like you could just accept car, use it, then return it when it's used, saying you didn't want it.

Some people out there are even lucky to be born. In a Jewish myth, Adam, who was destined to live a thousand years, asked to see his future descendants. Out of many flames that signifies each soul, he found a warm, beautiful, orange flame, full of wisdom and valor. Adam asked God when that soul will be born, but God said it was decided that that soul will never be born, because it will soon commit sin and defile himself. Adam, who pitied his other descendants who will be deprived of knowledge from such a wonderful soul, begged God to take some years from his life and give it to that soul. Adam died at the age of 970, and many centuries later, the wise and powerful King David will die at the short age of 70. Without Adam's sacrifice, the world would have been deprived of such an amazing king. Isn't it better that we knew a person, even if it's just for a short moment, than not meeting him/her at all.

Personally, I don't want fame nor power, and I desire money just for the sole reason to buy things I like. I don't desire immortality, but my goal in life is to at least inspire others and that all my knowledge and wisdom to be passed on among the living. Perhaps even if my name is soon forgotten, my legacy will make a print into this world, giving me a small piece of immortality.

I do not know if there is Heaven or Hell or perhaps purgatory on the other side, nor do I know which of those places shall I wind up into. But as long as I have breath on my tar-filled lungs, I swear to God Almighty that I shall live as long as I can and inspire others to at least achieve my personal goal of leaving behind a legacy. You might think I'm selfish, but it's what we have to do in order to survive the painful trials of Life.

May Our God bless us all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's such a beautiful full moon tonight, and too bad I still can't see it from my window at the moment. I want to go to the rooftop and just look up to the beautiful works of God.

I want to feel the essence of tambay again, so I'll be smoking outside for a while.

~thegreatnobody got some of his cigarettes, and left the room.

Divine Knowledge, Fallen Angels, and Marlboro Black

2009-11-30T01:02:00.001-08:00

Recently, I borrowed from my sister a copy of Mitch Albom's most recent magnum opus, "Have a Little Faith", which is about Mitch's personal account when his Jewish Rabbi, Albert Lewis, asked him to do him an eulogy. In the early chapters of the book, the author mentioned his background on his religion, where he said he studied more complicated materials like the Talmud and the Mystic Kabbalah.

The Jewish Kabbalah. Easy, right?

As I read on through the book, the author mention that though he has tons of theological knowledge inside his brain, he somehow found himself running away from God. The more you learn as life goes, you come to a slow realization that you don't need much from God, and as long as you're not doing harm to anybody, He doesn't need anything from you too. It's like that guy you met since first grade that, either through fate or coincidence, becomes your classmate all throughout until high school, and though you start out as buddies, you get into another group and only get to talk to that guy once every blue moon. You know the guy, you get along with him, but its just that you don't have enough (or maybe don't) make time to be with him. That's how the author's spiritual life went so far in the book.

And I also noticed that that's also how my spiritual life is slowly turning out to be.

Ever since my childhood, I've been reading picturebook bibles and learned much from them. By the time I started to read a real Bible, I pretty much already knew how the stories and tales would turn out to be. While the other kids are being thought and are trying to comprehend, I slowly developed a case of elitism where I always think "they are so slow" or "isn't it obvious?"or "they claim to know God, but not know of his works? Losers..." or even "I'm pretty sure they'll go to Hell". It's funny that the most knowledgeable on Holiness thinks of the most evil thoughts.

By the time I got to my last year in high school, I was looking for materials to make interesting plot lines when I hit the jackpot: Gnosticism, Mystic Judaism, and the Kabbalah. Did my research on them to use them for a story, and soon I got dragged into the world of the Gnostic Texts. Learned of the Archangels, Levels of Heaven, Magic Circles to Invoke Spirits... hell, I studied it so much to a point when I stuck a magic circle to invoke harm to somebody as a prank, he soon fell down a flight of stairs and almost broke his neck, not if I did it on the specific day the spell is at its most powerful. True magic or not, I soon engrossed myself in it, and I didn't notice it was taking over me.

When I went to a Encounter-God Retreat last April (or was it May? Can't remember), I felt hatred for every person there, thinking they will oppress my belief and preach to me their inferior knowledge on God (I still had traces of my elitism then). All I could think of at the time was protecting my beliefs, and that night, me and my other self (read my old posts, I'm sure I already told you about my split personality) fought over what to believe, and that night was when my other self felt most materialized. That whole retreat was a battle against myself and my beliefs, and it turns out that all I'm doing is not bad in itself, but my mindset was what's making what I'm doing evil. I got it all out of my system, and I managed to defeat my inner demon, but the war in me is still not over.

I believe in God, and I'm as theistic as any other out there. But I smoke. I curse. I still study some mysticism in my free time. I never lie, but still avoids the truth. I'm greedy. I masturbate in a frequent intervals to materials I'm never shy of talking about in public (It's porn). I make it my personal tandem to understand everybody, think of every standpoint, and not just loathe them for what I see them as, but I sometimes still judge people according to appearance and surface matters. The only thing I could be proud of out of all this is that I can say I'm not a hypocrite. I won't tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but I can only tell you to believe what you think is right, for everybody has the right to do so.

Personally I have only 2, no, 3 sins that makes a person legible for damnation:

Uselessness, or what Christians call the "sin of omission", meaning you failed to do what you the current situation calls you to. An example is premature ejaculation because, seriously, you're pretty much useless when you realize your partner is still horny and you already shot your load and can't get it up.

Cruelty, or the "sin of emission", things that hurt other people, either mentally, emotionally, or physically.

Well, the last one is stupidity, which is doing what you obviously should not do, but count that one as a joke. If your stupidity is done when you're not obliged to do anything and nobody is hurt, its not really a sin. Lighting up a 7 month old Marlboro Black Menthol falls under this one.

Like King Solomon said:

"The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief.
An increase to my knowledge is an increase to my sorrow"

-Ecclesiastes 1:18

Protip: Ignorance is a bliss, and don't smoke old cigarettes. Not only do they taste bad, but they give you weird inspirations.

I fail to kill enough zombies for my zombie contingency plan, so I'm gonna keep delaying it until I get enough knowledge and experience. Peace out.

~thegreatnobody proceeded in killing more zombies with his authentic, magic-enhanced Wakizashi-Ken

A Zombie Contingency Plan and A Pack of Crappy Cigarettes part 1

2009-11-29T06:07:00.000-08:00

As said on my last article, I'm inspired to make a Zombie Contingency Plan because of the awesomeness of Zombieland. All zombie movies I watched involved fast-paced ones, so I'm gonna make a plan involving them, because when you're surrounded by slow-moving, "brainzz"-mumbling zombies with hands in "I'm gonna strangle you" position, the only thing to be wary of is being mobbed and the urge to dance to some dead pop artist's "Thriller" music.

Rule 1: Don't be stupid

Seriously this is a major rule where violation of this rule automatically kills you. Your family/girlfriend/bestfriend/dog is infected? Kill them. No matter how sane they are in the moment, if they're bitten and the zombifying virus/bacteria/nanomachine is transferable via biting, say your last goodbyes and blow their brains out. The place his riddle by zombies? Don't get their attention and just run. Your fellow survivor tripped and is telling you to leave him and save yourself? Don't be a hero and just do what he/she says, damnit.

All basic knowledge is stored up in that brain of yours, so use it wisely. Anyone can survive if they just use that gray matter that everyzombie is crazy about.

Rule 2: Avoid Crowds

Most zombie movies have this scene where there's a bunch of people begging to cross some border/fence that the government/local officials put up to avoid contamination. Then its either somebody carries a bite-redden corpse of a love one that soon zombifies, bites, then infects everyone or somebody is already infected and starts biting everyone. Either way, it always end up nasty, so you better find a better way in to the safe zone (if there is any) or a way out of the vicinity.

Also, avoid places that everyone will think of going, like the gun store or grocery, because chances are everybody went there, somebody got infected, then everybody there is now a zombie. I'm sure you have a gun or lethal weapon at hand at the moment, and you're not gonna run out of bullets any time soon, so unless you really need to restock, just stay out of them crowded places.

If the zombie apocalypse started on a non-work day like Sunday or holiday, I suggest you go to a school or small office because I'm sure the most you have to put up with is about a dozen zombies or, if you're really lucky, none.

Rule 3: Travel Light

The tip is so good there's no way I can say that I didn't copy this off Zombieland or other good contingency plans. Personally, I plan on taking just one sports bag (the long type you usually put badminton rackets and shoes in) packed only with ammunitions and chocolate bread bars. Why Chocolate cake? Sweets give you boosts in energy and you need to run fast, plus it's good for the heart.

Carry just one large weapon, like a shotgun or machine gun. Miniature versions like the sawed-off shotgun and submachine guns are more preferable. Also carry a pistol and a midrange melee weapon. Don't be stupid (remember, rule 1) to chose something like knives and chainsaws. Contrary to what video games tell us (*cough* left 4 dead 2 *cough*), chainsaws are pretty heavy, and you're gonna do a lot of running now. For melee, I'd recommend a Japanese katana or a machete, because they have pretty decent range, plus they are easy to handle. Also, don't carry clothes, because you don't have the luxury of changing now.

I'm gonna put clothing under this rule also. Think, what part of your body will be most likely bitten? Limbs are the most common targeted parts in movies, where the other parts only comes next after they get you down. I suggest you wear padding (elbow pads, wrist bands, shin guards, you know, the stuff skaters and bikers forgets to wear) beneath your clothes so you have a split second chance of getting the zombie off you before their teeth sinks in to your flesh. Wear about 2 layers for the top, then top it off with a thick layer of clothing like a leather jacket of a motorist overall jacket (the one that covers everything). Always make sure that all those clothes are easy to remove, because when charging through a flood of zombies, all those grabby hands will start stripping you and the worst case is that the clothes gets stuck and you're trapped among zombies. Procuring clothes will be easy, so don't worry about your clothes and focus on surviving.

Rule 4: Sure-kill

A more general version of the double-tap. You're just one man, and there's millions of zombies out there. Every bullet counts, so make sure you blast a head with every shot. Also, if the zombie is down and you're gonna deliver the final blow, use melee weapons instead of wasting bullets on an already downed guy. Remember I didn't recommend knives? Its because the goal is to avoid any contact with the contaminant, and getting bit while trying to stab its head is really a bummer. Isn't chopping its head off with an axe or a machete way more convenient?

More rules to come, probably tomorrow. I'm gonna do more research.

~thegreatnobody left again into the zombie-filled streets for more information.

Love, Narcissism, Orgasmic Chin Massage, and Zombies

2009-11-29T00:54:00.000-08:00

Noticed something missing? Yeah, I deleted yesterdays "love proclamation" article. Thanks to Jesse, I learned that what I feel is love IF and only IF I make the decision. If I tuck my tail between my legs and run away at the day I plan to talk to her, then its just infatuation. Love is a choice, and right now, I'm slowly nearing the crossroads that will tell me if what I really feel is love or infatuation (or probably the feeling of regret of what once was... i dunno). Well, for now, that's that and I'm gonna leave that topic till something happens.

Recently, I also noticed that I've been staring at the mirror too often now. I also look at my reflection in car windows, shop windows, blank monitors, and anything that reflects my image. It all probably started as a way to see if I'm maintaining a proper image, but soon, as I started to put up a "bad ass" image (unbuttoned patchless polo, black shirt, cool-looking pendant, and wild uncombed hair, plus smoking cigarettes in front of campus), I started looking at myself more and more. With all that looking at myself, I even noticed that my eyes have some femininity on them (which, according to this article, makes you way more lovable by the ladies). I know its kind of expected, but I can't help noticing girls looking with me with "you're yummy" eyes, with the combo "I'll fucking kill you" eyes courtesy of their boyfriends.

Not that I love being looked at, nor that I like looking good, but I just can't seem to stop fixing myself this way. Girls, imagine your first Barbie, the one that somebody said was so fugly you fixed it up so much that you even copied its style and you soon became THE BARBIE and everybody was amazed on how you changed from an innocent 5 year old girl to a jock-hunting blondie slut lying naked on the men's shower? Probably not, but the point is that you soon become your ideal self to the point you'll even sleep with your own doppelganger (no I won't... well... hmm.... maybe...). Did I just mentioned in my mind that I MIGHT sleep with my own clone? Shit, I'm going batshit insane here.

Well, besides my slowly creeping narcissism, I plan on growing a cool beard, and I heard that massaging parts with hair follicles promotes hair growth. I'll probably play with my chin like you tickle a cat, so I'll be going now. Btw, I just watched ZombieLand, so my next post (which will probably come later, or perhaps tomorrow) will be about my own set of rules to follow in case of a Zombie Apocalypse. There a lot of Zombie Contingency plans out there on the net, which I have to say are mostly unthoughtful and has many flaws, so I'll make sure I'll put a lot of thought on mine.

~thegreatnobody has left his room, massaging his chin as he kills zombies for research.

More About Myself

2009-11-28T07:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I've posted an online confession already, so what's to be ashamed of? I could at least tell some personal background to know how you can avoid raising your kid into the miserable adult I turned out to be. But as I had said on my 2nd post, I'm just a nobody behind this online persona of mine, but who cares? Nobody's probably reading anyways... (or is there...? *dun-dun-dun-DUN*)

I'm an adult (you can be sure of that, if you know what I mean... *wink) who still lives with his parents (damn it), currently studying and looking for an open-schedule part time job. At the moment, I'm studying Architecture in a nearby university and spends most of my day either at school or at a national Park, smoking and eating sandwiches. I grew up in a Born Again Christian family and has been baptized twice, once as a Catholic and another as a Born Again. The first books I opened were pictured Bibles, so I grew up knowing more Biblical facts than the Catholics in my elementary school (and how I hated them for looking down on me for being an "inferior" Christian while they can't even differentiate Noah from Moses).

I had only a handful of childhood friends, and because of my parent's overprotective nature, I grew up not knowing the feeling of leaving the house, thus making me the introverted otaku I am today. The only friends I had since childhood that I still frequently meet today is Jesse (author of Incoherence) and the Rolloqui twins (if you are reading this, I'm sorry if in case I misspelled your surname). I also recently hang out with a classmate of mine during my first year in high school named Aldwin. All of us have many things in common, and a few of those are having the same faith and being good in Philosophical arguments. Well, not really, because the twins and Aldwin usually have holes in their argument, but they still have strong standpoints that I can learn off to widen my knowledge. Me, Jesse, the Twins and Aldwin also call ourselves blood brothers because the friendship we have between us is stronger than what we have with our siblings (seriously).

Just for the record, I never really studied Philosophy like reading materials and researching philosophers and such. I started the way like all great philosophers started: thinking beyond what you usually think. People usually think of stuff until they reach a level where they tire of knowing so they just say "That's that", while I go the extra mile to think one more level deeper. Somebody once told me that people who don't think much usually gets Alzheimer's earlier and they usually die in a brain-dead state, so I started thinking out of fear. I probably thought too much because I soon developed another persona inside me whom I can talk to and sometimes personify my anger, rage, and wrath. I can still talk to that persona, but it seemed that I gained control of it sometime during my miserable life.

As for now, my favorite pastimes are drawing, blogging, smoking in the park, and watching/reading porn, which the last one I will be doing now.

~thegreatnobody started watching porn and forgot to sign out.

The Essence of "Tambay"

2009-11-24T05:57:00.000-08:00

I just returned to my room after a 30 minute stroll outside, and boy, I feel great!

Didn't plan it, no planned route, just walked around in circles, sat anywhere comfy, and just smoked. Nothing big on my mind, just looking at the people around me, staring at the sky above, eying some chicks walking around.

It's like enlightenment, but on a simpler, easier-to-achieve level.

Sometimes, I think too much; about God, Existentialism, Reality vs Fantasy, meaning of Life... and that's good. I train my mind, widen my thoughts, and on some level, being superior on the state of thought than most people. But sometimes, I just realized, that simple things can bring calmness to one's self. Being selfish only on the level of wanting to smoke more, walk a longer distance, and spend more time alone.

I was actually planning on making a counter-argument on the topic of absolution of everything -seeing things only black and white- against a friend of mine tonight, but I decided to postpone it. No, its not that I don't have a winning argument, and it not that I have forgotten my stand, but I really don't feel like thinking too heavily right now.

It's funny though, because I just remembered my motto a minute go: "Momento Mori", "remember your mortality". I always remind myself that every minute counts, and that I should not waste my precious time, but somehow I think that the moments I thought I wasted are for a good purpose. The calmness in me gives me delight that I cannot have in "receiving" nor "giving". It's a kind of peace you have with yourself that you can only get from being alone with yourself.

Am I making sense right now? I don't know, and I'm type of guy who hates nonsense in this kind of discussions. But right now, I just don't care if I'm making good logic or not.

Sometimes, being lost in yourself can help you find yourself.

Return of the Lost Nobody

2009-11-22T06:01:00.000-08:00

Yeah.... that was a good rest. Ohrighty, here I go!

I'm back!

(silence... plus cricket sounds and a tumble weed passing through)

Hahaha.... I know. I don't have much (nor any, for that matter) readers here, but still, I'm back to my sanctuary.

Well, if there are anybody out there reading this, I'm sorry for not blogging after so long (about a year?). It's just I sorta forgot blogging and... well, that's pretty much it.

But lo and behold, it's a brand new me! Well, no... not really. Still crying over the same girl over and over again, still single and virgin, still thinking much on philosophy, theology, and general politics. Yep, still the same.

I have new theories on God now, with much stronger arguments than before. I think I was still an Agnostic Theist when I last posted, but I'm now proud to say that I'm now a Gnostic Theist. What's the difference, you ask? Well, the term "Gnostikos" stands for knowledge, and being agnostic means to deny knowledge. For example, a Gnostic Christian (the religion) has faith in the Christian writings, and personally believes he has knowledge of the said sect. while an Agnostic Atheist believes that there is no higher being, but also no knowledge to back up his idea. I know there is a God, and I have the needed knowledge to explain my belief, thus I qualify as a Gnostic Theist.

I now also take Architecture in another university, basically due to my failure to comply with the requirements of my previous school. In layman's terms, I fucked up and got kicked out. But still, life's fun.

I also have new ambitions, like being a history and philosophy professor in the future. I dunno if I will take Education Courses, but I'll probably manage somehow.

I also learned of two new hobbies to keep myself retarded enough to keep myself away from suicide: Cloud watching and Stargazing. No, I'll say this beforehand: I'm not turning gay. It's just at day, clouds tend to soothe my mind of troubles an at night, the stars overwhelm me with their multitudes. Just try looking for a nice place to lie in, then just look at the sky. I feels awesome. Surprisingly, I learned to do this because I once tripped and fell to the floor. I didn't feel like standing up, so I just lay down and looked at the sky, and a smile crossed my face.

More recently, I'm making a romance novel manga, plus designing a minimalistic, studio-type residence for my buddy Jesse (I'll talk more about my friends next time). I'll also be making a separate portfolio blog which is more focused on architecture and design, but I'll still keep this blog as a mean to express personal feelings that I can't put in my portfolio.

I just read my previous blogs, and now I just want to say out loud: I OWN MYSELF AND MY OWN WORLD. IF YOU'RE NOT GOD, DON'T FUCK WITH IT.

~thegreatnobody signed off

Cont... About God

2009-02-22T03:23:00.000-08:00

I was thinking of not finishing this topic last night. I do that to almost everything I do and I never finish everything, even my food. To start off a trend in my life, I'll finish this and hopefully I'll finish other things.

Alright. I didn't read my previous post and I have a new view on God and I'm now condemning my previous view to Hell. Yes, I am a fucking retard that always changes his philosophies and beliefs. I'm also one of the few fucktards that combines cursing and God in one sentence and/or paragraph.

God is unexplainable. I'm thinking of a new idea on how to explain this hunk of divine omnipotent power and you can't imagine the number of times I kept pressing the backspace button to refresh the train of thought. All I know for sure is that whatever good happens to you, its Him.

Your exam starts in approximately 30 minutes, you did not study and you're gonna be late when a typhoon suddenly hits and your exam is rescheduled. Don't mind that statistic saying 314 people died in the storm, 'cause God just rescheduled you exam! You're probably more important than those dead village people, right? (I'm such an elitist bastard)

Your stomach hurts bad and you feel a sudden release and you realize your still haven't got poop in your pants and you have approximately 2~5 minutes to make a run for the little pooper's room? That relief is God.

You feel gray and lonely and you see the clouds above you, realizing you are just a speck of nothing compared to the greater order of things yet you are still loved by someone, somewhere? Thank God He gave you a brain to process that thought faster than you can finish your suicide note.

Ok, I'm now apologizing because I know I said some offensive things -ahem- Nigger -ahem- but I only said those words to make a point. God is a weird guy that does strange things we cannot understand so try not to. You'll die of brain damage that way.

I am currently I'll and my intestines are bleeding, my fecal matter has mucous pus, and I have to make an important meeting with the toilet now.

About God pt.1

2009-02-18T10:50:00.000-08:00

Whenever I start a theological discussion (a discussion about the study of God, in case you have a very limited vocabulary), they either avoid it or they rape me metaphorically with their "own" (most probably stolen from someone or thought by their religion) views. Most people I meet are unconscious atheists, some are agnostics, and very few have their own unique school of thought. I didn't include Catholics and other major religions because they are mostly unconscious atheists. But whatever or whoever they believe in, I should and must respect their view and belief because is else, I deprive them of their free will.

Fuck that.

We all want to believe in something but reality always get in the way. You want a personal view of God? Fuck that, they will say, then sell you a bundle of books with covers claiming you will be closer to God. Those books usually will tell you that you are a disgusting bastard and you must quit your "evil" ways and obey everyone who thinks they're better than you (e.g. Priests, Politicians, Your Mom, etc.)

Also, if you don't like your religion's "God", go look for yourself and don't bother the rest of us, they will say. Also, if you belong to a radical Islamic religion or some batshit insane cult, they will personally send you closer to God. Fuck.

Personally, I think, that there are a billion or more "gods" who are powerful bastards who are worshiped as angels, demons, spirits, etc. but there is the One; the Ultimate Being who made this whole mess, sitting somewhere and watching all of us. He is neither holy, nor dark, but I believe he represents Life and his reasoning is beyond compare. Trying to understand him will blow your brain to shit pulp. Well, that's my personal perception of God. I might sound like a hypocritical if I say I don't want you to believe me (human nature), but I present this to you and will be thankful if you accept it.

*I want to see if you guys have any view on God you want to share. Kindly email it to me or just reply it here, I don't care. I will accept it be any means possible, except by phone, because I don't want to hear you out in the middle of the night for hours.

(It's 3am and I can't think straight anymore so I'll post more in part two.)

[Btw, that comic strip is from Winston Rowntree and he draws better than me. visit him in his site (you know how to goggle, right? Just type his name; he's practically famous) and give him some kudos. I'll be posting some of his works and I am declaring right now he owns the comics, not me.]

A drunk, bastard, teenager's excuse for being drunk

2009-01-24T05:51:00.000-08:00

A wise man once said that before a man dies, one has to plant a tree, write a book, and have a child.

Obviously he has missed out his teenage years, for not knowing that in order TO BE A MAN, one has to:

-Tell a lie
-Break a heart
-Drink till drunk

No, I didn't steal that from some tv show. I thought that one up. I was thinking, "love a girl", but even elementary kids can experience that. And for clarification, the "break a heart" part, the heart can be either yours or the other.

Having great balls as I have now, I can now officially state I am now a man. I just drunk till I laughed about penis and I can remotely remember the guy in charge of collecting the money in the jeep got pissed at me because I forgot and demanded that he give me my change back... which he did just the last 5 seconds. Fuck, I even puked at my bed 4 times, if I can remember.

Anyway, I don't know why, but I hate getting drunk, and having a hangover. So please remind me if we go drinking: stick to lights and no more that 3 bottles. 3 bottles of Red Horse and I might pick a fight with the taxi driver...

Fantasy is such a beautiful word...

2008-09-08T05:29:00.000-07:00

I just finished a novel. It's Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere, a fantasy/suspense about an underground reality where the baronies and fealties still exists and danger lurks in every corner. A whole family slaughtered, except for one daughter, who seeks to avenge her family's demise. An ordinary man with a boring life, one day helps the girl, who soon leads him to the Underside in a quest to get his life back.

Spoiler Warning: If you are reading the book or plans on reading it, don't read the next paragraph.

In the end, Islington, the conniving fallen angel is defeated, and the murderers of Door's parents along with him. Door and Richard, the protagonist, learns that there is indeed a way for Richard to return to his normal life. He chooses to go back to Upper London and says his goodbyes to Door. About a week of leading a normal life, he misses the adventures from the Underside and the novel ends with a door opening with the Marquis de Carabas, calling him to the portal to the Underside.

Spoiler ends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So... what's the meaning of my mindless babbling about a novel? Well, it's something to do with how fucking boring reality is.

I've seen so many novels, movies, graphic novels/mangas, flash animations, and other medias that has expanded my imagination to immeasurable proportions and how I envy the characters in those stories. I have seen Drama and Romances, Horror and Macabres, Action and Suspense, and a shitload more of other genres, and I envy each and everyone of them. The magic and monsters, the romance and betrayals, the clashing of realities and faiths... ARGH!!!! Just thinking of them makes me love fantasy more!

And after reading or watching these medias, I return to reality...

And thats it. The magic is gone, the monsters turned to tabloid headlines, the hot fantasy chicks turns into a hot chick that doesn't even know you exist. The reality of superiority, money, death, and boredom kills the fantasy and we go through our everyday lives, living the same day all over again.

And again...

And yet again...

Sum it up? Reality sucks hard. I'd prefer living a dream than living in a boring, boring shithole you call reality.

Prose.

2008-09-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

He is a guy.

He is a 17.

He is a normal guy born of a poor-turned-upper-class family.

He is easy to talk to, confident, happy-go lucky, handsome, and pious.

He is insane, wild, sadistic, depressed, and interested in the occult.

He is loved by most and favored by many.

He is loathed by "friends" and betrayed by all.

He is romantic and sweet.

He is single and perverted.

He is deep, smart, and philosophically and theologically intellectual.

He is shallow, a high school drop out, and an ignoramus

He is not one, but two.

But They are one.

Irritating. Just damn Irritating.

2008-09-04T08:25:00.000-07:00

Recently, this past weeks I've been more depressed and irritable...

...And that's it. I'm just fucking irritated.

I ask myself why, but I can't explain. And when I ask myself things I should be happy for, I don't have any either...

I hate because I care, and sometimes I just don't want to care anymore. But no matter what, I still care (Damn me for being the ever helpful, goody-goody type). But why do I care so much for even people that can't give anything back to me? For no apparent human reason, I care. And people are taking advantage of me because of that and I still don't stop caring.

I also love making plans. I like to plan a meeting, a gig, a job, a building, or anything, but nothing just seems to work out. According to Al Hollingsworth, a successful entrepreneur, people fail for three reasons: a) They don't have a plan, b) they don't stick with the plan or c) they move too slow.

But If I may, I would like to add that people fail for one more major problem: People of higher authority and/or power destroys the plan. It can be a parent, an official, or even a spirit or maybe even God, but surely, someone is there to fuck up the plan.

And what can we do about it?

Nada

Zero

NONE.

Unless you can disobey or kill that higher power, your plan is on a one way trip to hell.

Article 4: I'm Friggin' Bored

2008-06-10T00:23:00.000-07:00

Once, when we were young (like 4 year old young), we never had a dull moment.

We go out, go to the nearest kid we see, becomes best friends under 5 seconds, and play and shriek till our lungs collapse. Then when, by accident (or is it?), we hurt each other, we turn into PVP mode, beat the living hell out of each other, then our moms will come and scream the living shit out of each other. In the end, we go home, eat (if the dinner wasn't composed of icky-yucky moving muck our parents call "vegetables"), sleep, then wake up, just to go out again and meet with your best friend, forget the shit you two got into the day before, and play and scream again to our hearts content.

Those were the best friggin' days of our short, possibly useless lives, aside from when our parents are drunk, mad, or just happened to like spanking or beating us to the quarter inch of our life.

But now, we can't seem to even enjoy watching television (the government's way of brainwashing us with "reality shows" to make us forget the shit they do to our country), playing video games, or even listening to music. Even those with "girlfriends/boyfriends" (fucking lie, they just want to get into each other's pants) can't enjoy "quality time" (meaning is up to you) with each other.

I am currently just a college student. If I'm bored with life at this age, what more when I reach my forties?

Oh, help me God....

P.S: I have already forgotten about the people who scammed and took my stuff, so I won't write about them anymore...

ARTICLE 3 carte 1: My Idiotacy

2008-05-14T05:21:00.000-07:00

Just now, like just 2 hours ago, I've been scammed.

I've been scammed.

I'll let it sink in for a while:

I've been scammed...

~interlude (currently cursing... a lot...)~

I, who have an above average Intelligence Quotient (possibly genius... just a possibility, not implying), have been scammed.

Here's an elaboration through a monologue:

Me: Hey dood, have I mentioned blah blah blah blah blah....?

Friend: Not yet. I think you just blah blah blah blah blah...

*Some random guy shows up

Random Guy (RG): Hey guys! Can I talk to you for a second?

Us: uhhh... yeah, we could spare a second. What's up?

RG: We're school club volunteers who have been searching this area for some frat members who molested one of our sister sorority member. We need you guys to look at some pictures at our hangout place down at McDonalds to see if you ever saw those people.

~WHAT? SCHOOL CLUB VOLUNTEERS??? IN PARTNER OF SORORITIES? WHAT FUCKING SCHOOL LETS CLUBS BE INVOLVED WITH FRATS/SORORITIES?

Sorry for the commentary... I can't help it... Carry on...~

RG: Will you help us?

Us: uhhh... yeah, we have nothing to lose anyway...

~Or so we thought... Damn it... carry on~

*RG lets us move to somewhere semi-secluded and meets with another random guy (RG2)

RG2: Hey! I got someone else to help us in our search!

RG: OK, nice... lets go to the meet point where we should meet the other guy.

*We now go to a secluded area... the Wash aka "Wish Wash". Some guy was already there, looking like us who looked like wet, confused kittens...

RG: Now, our sorority sister, the one who will show you the pictures, is at Mc Donalds down the road. She has been attacked once already, so we are acting in protection for her. Put all the items in your pockets in your bag and we will take care of it.

~I've been suspicious at that point. Why not just go there with us so in case we do attack the fugly bitch, they could protect her. If she does exist, by the way...~

*The guys said we should go there only on at the time, for no actual cited reason. The other guy who was said to be another one like us, goes first. After some "phone calls" with the "sorority sister" (btw, the phone didn't FUCKING RANG!!! THE DAMN BASTARD JUST PUT THE PHONE IN HIS EAR AND STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER GUY BEING THERE!!)
and after about 3 mins (which the time to reach the Mc Donalds by running is 10 minutes), he comes back, gets his stuffs, and was said to sit down.

RG: Now its you guy's turn. Leave your stuff with the other guy (Decoy) and we will return your stuff after getting a calling card where you should contact us just in case you saw or will see those guys.

Me: Why do we have to go together? Can't I be left to take care of my friend's things?

RG2: (seems agitated) NO! Its against the rules!

~FUCK? WHAT ARE YOU, A REFEREE? SINCE WHEN WAS THERE RULES?~

Me: Ok! Just chill! I was only asking...

RG: (tries to assure us) What he actually meant was you guys got here together, right? Then won't it be bad it I sent only one of you guys alone? In case some shit happens, who will be there for the other, right?

Friend: ok... fine...

~now is the stupid part...~

*We left our valuables with the random guys and the decoy and went to Mc Donalds. We got there, looked stupid for a sorority girl, then realized...

Friend: Dood... do you think we have been...

Me: ...scammed...

Us: OH SHI-

*We ran back to where they were, but obviously, they are now gone.... with our stuff...

Why... WHY, GOD? WHY!!!!!!

*explanation and some insights in carte 2...

ARTICLE II: Just who am I?

2008-05-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

Last time (roughly 20 minutes ago), I introduced you to the weird, crazy shit where I exist, which is my own world. Yeah, yeah, call me a retard, but please also realize that you are another retard because only retards can know what a real retard is.

Do I really exist? Yes. Only retards ask that question.

Am I really a nobody? Yes, because you don't really know me in person, so I am just a nobody to you.

Other questions like my biodata (real name, age, sex, etc.) and my personality will be up to you to make one up. After all, who would believe some guy posting weird stuff and being so damn brave while wearing a mask? I am, to people who really don't know me, an anonymous. So if I say something great here, most probably it would be given credit to the John Doe called Anonymous (or anon, if you feel tire saying that or if you can from a forum called 4chan).

A giant clue: here's a picture of mine...

Now, like I said, its up to you to believe whether I'm that guy or not. For you, who can't see the face behind the screen, cannot really know if this person is really me, because I'm a nobody for you.

By the way, that place is in Israel. I forgot what event happened in that place, but all I can remember is that it was so boring I preferred playing a PSP.

Now, perhaps you can guess my nationality, my age, most certainly my gender, and mysocial status. But like I said, yo can only guess.

I really like making heads hurt with all this mind fucks.

Hey! I just gave an idea on what my personality is! Maybe I'm a sadistic retard making other people think they are the retard!

Maybe...

Like I said... guess.

ARTICLE I: Welcome to my World

2008-05-13T06:17:00.000-07:00

Ah, a blog.

An online diary where you can say shit and complaints about your personal world and let people commentate on it.

Here I am, a heterosexual, normal, kinda handsome and popular guy with seemingly no problem with his world...

....writing a blog.

~interlude~

You obviously know that being in "your own world" means you are retarded (I just elaborated for people who don't understand) and it is offending to be called having your own world.

Well, for me, it is actually not offending. Actually, I kinda enjoy people saying that because it took the fuckers so long before they realize that. And I find it really fucking funny because they surely haven't realize yet that they are on their own world.

Listen guys... We all live in our own world. We are self-obsessed bastards that don't give a fuck about others. Most probably, you'll say: "What the hell is this guy saying? We are social people! He doesn't even know us and here he is preaching like he already know us!", but that line you said right their proves your argument has already lost. A REAL unselfish person will ask "I wonder what happened to this guy and why he has this problem..." or "I think this guy needs our help". Thanks for the offer, but I don't need it. Well, as if anyone will ask those questions to someone who is acting so high and mighty.

No, I'm not being a total ass and acting like a god, but merely saying the truth. We are trapped in our own world, with only us to control it. If you don't get what I am saying, then you are a slave to the circumstances.

We don't realize we have total control of our own world because we bind ourselves to norms. We fear that if others don't do it, then we will just look like assholes and be humiliated.

If your line of thinking is really like that (most probably, it is), then you need a change of lifestyle.

Go ahead... Get yourself wet in the rain even while wearing expensive and fashionable clothes and have a good laugh. Kiss your lover in public. What if people look at you? You both have possession of each other, so what do they care? Do something stupid and tell it to a girl who looks too beautiful for you. We don't know... perhaps that person is afraid to express herself and needs someone to help her get a hang of life. Plus, you scored a hot chick.

My last words for the readers: OWN YOUR OWN WORLD.